The Perfect Villain
by Maakkel
Summary: The Leader Trio is to perform in a charity theatre for kids, but their rolls are drawn from slots. Some are perfect and some... not so perfect.


The Perfect Villain

"I still don't understand why _we_ have to do it." Candela distaste was clear.

"Because we are the team leaders, now be quiet so I can order." Spark said as he turned the car around the corner.

Candela leaned back in the seat with a groan.

" _Hello, may I take your order?_ " Came the female voice from behind the radio

"Of course you may. I just need four-, no make it five cheeseburgers and a large fanta." Spark said, as Candela rolled her eyes

"All right, anything else sir?"

"Just your phone number."

"I'm afraid it's not on the menu. Please drive forward to receive your order."

"Thank you." Spark said, and hit the speeder. He moved forward and receive his order, not from the one he spoke too, if the 7 feet tall muscle man was anything to go by. He drove to a nearby parking lot and unpacking his food.

Just before eating his third burger he began laughing uncontrollably.

"What could possibly be so funny that you are unable to retain a proper way of eating." Blanche asked.

Spark held up the wrapping from the burger, something was scribbled on it.

"Got her number."

"Explain to me why we even went there again?" Candela sighed, stealing one of the burgers, ignoring Sparks outburst: _I paid for that!_

"Because I need my fastfood." Spark said, drinking from his Fanta

"You cannot _need_ fastfood." Blanche said, "Needing something implies that you cannot do without, and in this example doing without is actually the better choice."

"And how do you keep yourself below 150 pounds?" Candela added.

"It's simple." Spark began explaining with his mouth full of burger, "Blanche, you need your books. And Candela, you need your training. And I, yours truly, needs his fast food." He washed the remaining burger in his mouth down with fanta.

"Besides Candela, you promised me fastfood yesterday!"

"How was I supposed to predict that Blanche was cooking, we couldn't just leave her!"

"Yes we could!"

Candela looked Spark straight in the eyes, her stare mad him shrink a few inches… at the least!

"Apologize." He voice was colder than Blanche in the snow.

Spark turned in his seat and bowed as far down as it would allow him: "I am deeply sorry from the bottom of my heart."

"Auch!" Spark sat up, rubbing his head, looking at Candela with teary eyes. "What was that for?"

"I didn't believe your apology." She said.

"I wasn't lying!"

"As entertaining and enlightening this is, we were supposed to be their now." Blanche calmy stated.

"Why didn't you speak sooner!" Spark shouted, as he moved all burger wrapings, and the unwrapped one, over to Candela.

"Don't throw trash at me." Candela shouted. Spark didn't listen, too busy getting the car moving.

• • •

"We are very sorry for being late." Spark, Candela, and Blanche said as they bowed before the theatre's manager.

"Don't worry about it. It simply means we drew slots for your roles." He said, his grin a little too wicked as he handed them the papers.

"I am the villain." Blanche stayed in her monotone voice.

"I'm the strongest prince in the world!" Candela said with her fist in the air.

"Why in Arceus' name am I the princess." Spark asked.

"We drew slots." The manager said as he went back in. "The kids will be here in 4 hours, better get started practicing." He practically sang the last part.

• • •

Dressed in a blue tunic, a red cloak, and with a sword by her side, Candela was the perfect prince. Walking around without wasting a single movement, flamboyant to a fault.

"I still don't get why she gets to be the prince and not I." Spark complained, only his head visible by poking out from behind the dressing room curtain.

"Because that was the rules agreed one, when we accepted this job." Blanche replied. She was dressed in a long black coat and a wide black top hat. By her side was a spear.

"When _you_ accepted this job. I signed nothing." Spark exclaimed.

"You needn't, the invitation never stated that we as individuals would have to accept, and so it is possible for me to reply on your and Candela's behalf." Blanche stated.

"It still isn't fair!" Spark whined.

"Stop whining and be a man!" Candela shouted, and in one fluid motion, she grabbed Sparks arm, and pulled him out.

Spark was wearing nothing less than a white sports bra, a short white jacket that just barely reached his waist, a white tutu complete with a pair of high heels and white fishnets.

"See, you look nice." Candela said, thinking that she at least could try and be nice.

"Nice? I look nice?" Spark looked utterly confused. "I look like an ugly Drag-Queen or something."

"I think it suits you. Makes your eyes and hair stand out." Blanche said in a as sweet voice as her monotone one would allow.

"Thanks… I guess." Spark said, the hint of a blush could be seen on him.

"Get on stage people!" The manager shouted.

• • •

"Don't worry my lovely princess" Candela said, drawing her sword. "I shall protect you from the evil maniac."

"Please save me my-" Spark paused, "my love."

"Muhahaha" The laughter was a monotone as monotone can be.

"Thy do not possess the power to free this maiden from these clutches." Again, the voice was as un-toned as un-toned can be.

Blanche pointed her spear at Candela.

"Yes I do!" Candela shouted and took a long step forward, swinging the sword in a high arc against, Blanche- who managed to block with her spear just in time.

"This isn't in the script." The manager mumbled, "But the kids are hooked."

Candela rained lashes over Blanche with her sword, the later looking as if she just barely managed to keep up with the endless assault.

That is, endless until she suddenly lashed out her leg, using it to hook onto Candela's knee, causing her to trip and fall flat on her back. She pointed the tip of the spear at her chest.

"You are no match for me."

"Oh yeah!" Candela grapped the spear, and pulled; causing Blanche to fall over, Candela grapped her tightly and spun around like a crocodile trying to maul its prey.

When they landed on the ground with a loud thud. Candela sitting atop of Blanche, with her sword over the later's neck.

"I win."

The kids in the audience began cheering, clearly and utterly entertained by the show.

"But the ending and the kiss!" The manager exclaimed silently to himself. "No matter, they can do it next time."

"Curtains!" He shouted, and they closed.

• • •

"Gosh, it's great to be back in my own clothes." Spark said, stretching in his good old black track suit.

"It does come with a curtain comfort of home." Blanche stated, also wearing her ordinary clothes.

"Arceus be merciful, you guys are so boring." Candela said, still wearing her custome: All had received their costumes as a parting gift, Spark had tried to decline but Candela forced his hand.

"Excuse me." A young boy and girl had come up to Blanche, they looked to be siblings a few years apart.

"Yes?" She asked, kneeling to get in their eye height.

"Masked villain, are you a boy or a girl?" The young boy asked.

"I am a villain." Blanche answered without pause, causing both Spark and Candela to face palm.

"Yes, but what gender are you?" The young girl asked.

"I am evil." Blanche responded, again without pause. Spark and Candela exchanged worried looks.

"She might be a little to in character."

"Yeah."

The young boy sighed, and covered his little sister's ears. "But what is between your legs?"

Blanched flinched for a second.

"She's not gonna answer, is she?"

"Of course she isn't" Candela assured.

Blanched leaned closer to the boy and whispered in his ear: "Doom."


End file.
